So having this knowledge it meant that I had to change my behaviors. I couldn't put that knowledge back in the box and close the lid on it. Pretend I didn't know it. I had something I wanted yet I had to change! In the end, it worked out well. Initially, though, there were a few arduous and unhappy years. If only I knew! Hindsight is a wonderful thing.I remember the story of a man who visited a healer as he was sick. The healer told the man to come back next week and he would be able to help him. The man came back the following week and the healer told him to take sugar out of his diet and he would heal. The man said, "why did you not tell me that last week". Last week I was eating sugar, now I am not. I couldn't tell you to do something that I was not doing myself.
What made me want to rescue my children? I wanted them to have a different life to what I had. I wanted to make life easy for them. I didn't want them to suffer. Then there were all those unprocessed stuffed down emotions that I carried, buried deep inside me. I was hurting and I didn't want them to feel hurt. I wanted to take away all their pain.
Of course, this is an impossibility.
There have been times when I felt like a failure as a parent. Motherhood can be such a rewarding job, yet it has complications too. I was listening to the mother of one of the perpetrators of the Columbine School shooting this week. This was one of the first mass school shootings in 1999. She spent many years self-reflecting where did she go wrong, what could she have done differently, how could she not have known. She discovered that love was not enough. Finding what goes on inside their heads, their thoughts and knowing the inner workings of their mind were some of the key aspects. She calls it brain health. I like that. I feel it lessens the stigma.
I had to learn to understand my behavior patterns. I had to understand what emotions were showing up in my life and why they showed up. What was triggering these in me? My children have been great teachers for me. They have taught me so much about myself. And continue to do so today. Did I always get it right? Not by a long shot. Yet, I kept digging inside to keep understanding more of who I am.
It was only by understanding myself could I help my children to understand themselves better. And begin to experience a new more empowering ebb and flow in our relationship.
What is your relationship like with your children? Is it a healthy relationship? Or unhealthy one?
Yes, I hear you say, we get along just, but that is normal. We are like most other families". What if you dared to believe you could have more than "just get along"? What would that be like? It probably sounds scary. Yes, it is, cause you have to change who you are, and your current thinking. And undo old patterns and beliefs. People will begin to question you " you're changed, what has happened to you, you are not the person I used to know".
I hear you say, "I cannot change them, they are the cause of all my challenges". You are so right here. You can only change yourself. You know that biggest kick I got out of healing my relationship with my children was that once I healed myself my relationships with them improved. Why is that?
'Anyway, all of this is going to cost me too much money, I don't have the time either and I am happy as I am, we will be alright, we will get through this" I hear you say.
What if you decided to make a choice to do something different, right now would you pick up the phone and make your first appointment? What would that feel like for you? Would you feel a little proud of yourself? Would it feel a little scary as well? That's normal.
Stepping into the unknown, taking that first step is often the hardest.
Throw caution to the wind and just do it.
I can help you understand your stuff about your relationship energy. What I do is not right for everybody, and not everyone is as open as they would need to be. We can explore a little of your relationship energy in your complimentary 20-minute Skype call. To book in send me an email email@example.com with your preferred times.
Everything is energy. If your relationship sector is suffering it will be all about the energy flow.
I love helping people succeed and build stronger relationships with their family members and colleagues. It makes my heart sing to see relationships and families heal their past so that they can create a better future.
My role is as a guide, mentor, facilitator, and coach. My contact details are firstname.lastname@example.org, +6478684448 or skype jan.stein15.